Dependence

I think I have finally come to grasp this truth about the world: it is out of order; not the creation itself, but our own comings and goings, the very life we live day by day, it is all out of order, like come great stacking toy - it's numbered and the sizes all fit each other, but we still just can't figure it out. What is birth, life - death? Death does fit. Watching people - parents, grandparents, siblings, etc., get old or suffer the effects of sin... it doesn't fit into the picture, it feels out of place, odd... I don't get.

I guess this is where Reformed Theology makes the most sense - the world is suffering from the ravages of our sin, but God is redeeming us and lifting our curse from the world.

Best put this way: worldly is not from the world, it is from our hearts. That is why Jesus tells the Pharisees it is not from the outside we are defiled but from inside our very hearts! It is not what goes in and is digested, this God has given to us for nourishment and enjoyment, it is not even the act of riddingourselves of that food but it is the pollution of our own hearts! We are worldly, the world is not worldly.

I'm sure it all seems obvious, but it has only been until this semester that I have really begun (and only just begun) to understood what the act of redeeming entails. It's not just getting us out of this place, it's acctually changing us to be tools to change others. It is Transformation.

A lot of things, like this, have been priming me and making me more excited to talk about jesus. i want to live Jesus. It's not about having a Jesus fish on my car or listening to CCM or even attending church every Sunday and Wednesday, but that the foundation of it is to know Jesus, to love Jesus, to live in Him and to live HIm out before all the world. Everything else is just frosting, sweet and beautiful and everybit a part of the cake, but without the cake it's just fluff, nothing, there is not substance.

my autn sent me a CD called Revival in Belfast II and a line from one of the songs goes "Lord without your love its all just good intentions." That's exactly the point - I've spent, foolishly, far too much of my life tryibng to do good things for Jesus without Jesus. I try to pray and forget - Jesus has to teach me! I want to share the gospel and forget it's all about Jesus. He has to be my everything.

I've wondered why this semester has been so hard, why I had less and less joy to be in seminary as the weeks wore on... it's because it was about me and not about Jesus. I was trying to figure out waht I could get from it, not what God was saying to me. It's amazing to see it so clearly now.

What has the loving Father taught me? I cannot do anything by myself. You'd think I would have learned this lesson by now. But, I take comfort that we can test our sonship to Christ by recognizing our discipline (Hebrews 12:5-8; Proverbs 3:11-12). I am disciplined (taught, reformed, shaped, molded, etc., etc.) by the Father. I am His child... He would not teach me this over and over if I were not His own.

How much I enjoy the moment of dependence! How quickly I forget and think I can do for myself!