A brief and not well put together thought... I have had many conversations about the commandment to honor your parents (Exodus 20:12) and often find myself frustrated that I cannot seem to communicate the need to honor parents, even when you are old. We like to think that this commandment expires when you turn eighteen, get married, or move out of the house. But it occurred to me today that Jesus, in Matthew 15:1-7, might be making a statement that helps us to see that the commandment's expiration is... well, their death (if that!). No, he says to the Pharisees (who are grown men), you cannot rid yourself of your duty to honor your parents by declaring that your wealth belongs to God! We cannot rid ourselves of ourselves of this commandment, even to "give" wealth to God! (Hmm... "honoring" apparently can mean financially caring for your parents in their old age... sounds like the Sandwich generation of the Gen X-ers, doesn't it?)
Now, Jesus made it clear that once we are claimed by God and called to follow Him, He is our greatest commitment (Matthew 10:37). But as I have struggled both to understand and to explain (and to obey) this commandment, it strikes me now as an even more heartbreaking and beautiful reality. I cannot honor my parents in the way I ought to, just as I will never honor God the Father as I ought to. I sin greatly against parents and God each day. And still, they are my parents always, and God is my Father always. I cannot be rid of them, any more than I can be rid of God. Parents are not to hold us back from following our Creator and Savior, but parents are to be loved and honored from our own hearts and physically cared for out of our own wealth.
I know this is not true of every child. And before I coldly demand that we all honor our parents, I have to say that those people with whom this conversation has been the hardest, the ones that make me sad and angry, are usually struggling with neglectful parents. So we ought also to look at what it means to "honor" our parents (which I have not as of yet) and see what is being required of us - for some, it might be more honoring to confront a sin, while others may need to learn how to let go of petty grievances. But at this moment, what has struck me most strongly was 1) We are never going to get to an age where this commandment does not apply to us; 2) This means that there is no "excuse" for not honoring our parents, not dedicating our wealth to God, not their failure as parents, not even our self-isolated culture that tells us that we are free of them once we turn a certain age and live in our own home.
I was thinking, too, of how Jesus, on the cross, gave the care of his mother over to another (John 19:25-27) in order to care for her, in order to obey the commandment! Even his death did not "free" Jesus from obedience to the commandment.
Legalism is ugly, so I am very concerned not to sound as if it's all that easy, just obey and honor your parents (And is Paul equating "obey" in Ephesians 6:1 as the same as quality as "honor"?). You can die under the weight of that commandment, even with good and loving parents, let alone parents who have hurt and deeply wounded their children. My question, and my wish for those that would choose to isolate themselves from this commandment, is to ponder what it means to honor and obey your parents in light of these verses. Perhaps there are more that speak to this question that I have not thought of - I welcome interaction! - but it may behoove us (even me) to think about how we have tried to excuse ourselves from Exodus 20:12, and how we need the righteousness of Jesus (John 19:25-27) to cover the ways we have broken the commandment.
What a delight that He has indeed obeyed for us and delights to give us that righteousness, and has sent His Spirit to help us to obey and honor our parents, even in our old age!
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