The Last Minute God

I'm note sure if this is a heretical statement, but I am coming to believe that God - the Creator of the Universe, eternal Trinity, the Redeemer and Guarantee of our salvation - is a last minute God. I don't say this as a challenge to his omniscience or omnipotence (his all-knowing and all-powerful qualities). I don't say it as a challenge to his goodness, his love and benevolence for his people. I just think that over the last twenty-nine years I haven't experienced God's presence in my life as one of prevention, calamities happen often enough in my life - though I am positive that he has prevented vast ills and harms. I haven't experienced God's presence as calming, following his will has led me into difficult and emotionally painful situations - though I suspect I am discovering more and more what is the true meaning of peace. And really, I can't say that God has even been timely, everything happens at just the moment when certain disaster seems to have arrived - though disaster never really seems to be as bad as I imagined.

I've been mulling over the implications of a "last minute" God as I've been ticking down the weeks, days, hours, minutes, dollars and cents until not only do I not have a job or health insurance, but I have no money. And seemingly no prospects for any of these things to change. I feel like I'm in a Dickens novel, waiting for the surprise twist to change the trajectory of my life.

I'm really not sure of what is coming. But this is the God who has promised to provide my daily bread, to clothe me, to keep me alive.

"Therefore, do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."

But I feel very much like I have to worry about tomorrow... that I need to worry about tomorrow. Because if I don't, what is going to happen? And maybe Jesus isn't talking about this kind of 'worry' - that is, the actual need for a job, for provision, for responsibility... working is commended and required in Scripture, after all, it is part of being human. Maybe Jesus is talking about the unnecessary worry that leads to focusing on accumulation and greed. Maybe Jesus is talking about needless worry... the Father will provide, just keep doing what you are supposed to be doing. Don't panic, don't forget the truth about who you are, don't lose hold of those truths in the shuffle and chaos, hold tight as though you have taken your father's hand to make your way through a busy crowd... you will come out on the other side.

Still, his timing does not seem to be my timing. Three years ago, I was waiting for $3,000. I was raising support to move to Fayetteville and begin my work with RUF at Arkansas. I was ready to go, ready to be here... and I got here. The Lord provided the money needed to receive the 'ok' to move to campus; he provided for three years of ministry. As I sit here today, I know that he will provide for me again. But my timing and his timing are different.